Bitches will Complain about Anything. This is Why we get to call them Bitches.

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Some people think that being a feminist means you automatically dole out the free love thing without discernment. Bad Ass Feminist Bitches think otherwise. You can want equal rights and still call a spade a spade because if we don't call those horrible people out then we are just aiding and abetting their bad behavior like everyone else. Inaction in and of itself renders your feminism card rejected because the justice-seeking part of wanting equal rights for everyone states that you have to fight the bad people and destroy them so the good people can survive. Sometimes that requires calling a bitch out.

 

I, like every other woman on the planet that secretly seeks out to be cute and likable, follow the Beautiful Mess girls. So cute they are. And colorful! And happy! Every now and then when I'm in a shitty mood I think ill of them only in the regard of: Really? Are you happy again? But if being real was the point of their brand you'd see them in messy buns while they accidentally glue their fingers together crafting all over the place. But their brand is to bring light! and love! and color! and fun! into yours, and I think that's admirable. Because some days I JUST WANT TO LOOK AT PEOPLE IN A GODDAMN DONUT FLOATIE HAVING FUN. Since Barack Swagger-Pants Obama stopped being the American Prez I no longer feel safe. Kittens and Donuts will have to suffice for comfort for now until America gets their ever-loving-shit together.

 

Since I like and respect these #BusinessLadies I thought I would read up on their ten year blogging anniversary. TEN YEARS. That's a lot of fucking crafting - but to each his own. People probably think my 20-year relentless quest to expertly execute a perfect Vidal Sasson cut was insane. (I mean, only if you haven't seen the branding for The Zelinka Agency. #NailedIt) A few posts down on the Beautiful Mess 'gram feed and it looks as if the one with the best bangs in the whole entire world one is adopting. Kudos sister! That's some admirable shit on so many levels!

 

Then I scrolled through the comments because bangin' bitch had written something in the comments that gave me pause. What I came across was mom shaming. MOM SHAMING TO SOMEONE WHO A-HAD YET TO BE A MOTHER AND B-WAS ADOPTING. Dayum. You bitches show no mercy to one another. That's some cold ass shit. Cutie Patootie was seeking out daycare options for the new to the states kiddo so they'd be well taken care of while she continued on building her Sparkle Farting Empire and ya'll shit on her? On happy girl? Man, go fuck yourselves. If you can slang shade at the nicest of persons who is clearly deeper and more empathetic to the world than you will ever be then nobody is safe. NO ONE. 

 

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie said: "It's your job to be yourself, someone will like you anyway.” Unless they don't, in which case, fuck 'em. You never asked for their stupid opinion anyway.

Mandy Zelinka is the former Digital Marketing Manager for KEVIN.MURPHY International and owned one of the largest award-winning salons in Portland, Oregon. She was also Voted Best Hairstylist in Portland in 2016 by The Portland Fashion + Style Awards. 

But she’s best known for tobogganing down the Great Wall of China as a United States Diplomat and First Lady of a City.